Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
