I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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