she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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