when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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