1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.