his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie