i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.