and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess