Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
