I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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