the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
