I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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