I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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