Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
