im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am spending my child support on dildos
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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