dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
