we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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