It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
