Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
