I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
