So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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