I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
