On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
