I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize