You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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