yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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