Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
