hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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