I bet he comes in French.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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