Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
