this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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