it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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