She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
