The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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