...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
