So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
