Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
