Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
