You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
