Your face is a jimmy john
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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