I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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