Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
