My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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