You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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