Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
