last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
