I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
