My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
