I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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