i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pooping to opera.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
