Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
