Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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