I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
