Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
