Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
