Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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