On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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