Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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