my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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