I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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