ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
