When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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