I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
