I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
