Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
