So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
