it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
