people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
